Moments of pessimism.

The optimist drowned in a half full tub:
Just to believe the fact that things have changed. For the good or the bad who knows. But they have and its difficult to accept it completely.
And there isnt going to be anyyy pixie dust sprinkled on our lives. I know i sound to pessimistic and hopeless; but that is what i am.
Becauese that is what sounds more satisfying and real to me.
Right now, and most of the time. Its not like i have or was given an option; im human by default.
“Jaage hain, soye nahein, kesi hai meri yeh bey-chaini. Din bhi wohi, raatein wohi, saanson main saansein hain nahein..“

Scratching a scar.

The moment was pulsating. We felt it. We were still. The water in the fountain we sat beside was slow and lax , flowing carelessly as if nothing in the world could ever go wrong. 

She stood up and came near me.
She sat down on the wood ledge beside me. I sat unsure now of everything. Everything. All the invisible unity of everything around me was collapsing. There was a small small distance between us. Nearby, the water flowed and a birds chirp was heard, shrill but somehow calm. The pair of love birds I once, on her birthday, got her.
As if she would eternally belong where she was. We sat unhinged. I felt calmly that things might collapse. Then I stood up and said “should we go up?” with a calmness in my voice that yearned to belong where it was. She said yes and we walked up the stairs back to the lounge.
Just when after a hug, a tormenting one, i took leave; and heard:

  “Bhujha do aag dil ki ya, issey khul ker hawa de do,
Jo iska mol de paaye, ussey apni wafa de do,
   Tumharey dil main hai kya, bas iska pata de do,
Ye dil tum bin kahein lagta nahein, hum kya karein,
   Luttey dil main diya jalta nahien, hum kya karein.”

…playing, as i walked down the wooden staircase towards the entrance door. Only this time, I didn’t care to hear the wooden staircase squeaking.